A judgment on Divorce? Not!

Well, you just never know how something is going to be taken. I was told by a reader recently that she felt judged after finishing This She’ll Defend because she had left her husband for someone else. OK, I never saw that coming!  But if I step back and look at my novel from the perspective of someone who has left a marriage–specifically for another person–I can see how it might come across that way.

Let me just say that my novel is fiction, and I had no specific person in mind while writing the character Ethan. If anything Carmen and Ed’s marriage is loosely based on my own, although again the story is fiction. Some of the experiences that the couple shares came from my own relationship. But overall, they are just a man and woman trying their best to love each other and raise happy children.

It was not my intention to make a statement about divorce in this novel. I have many people near and dear to my heart who’ve been through painful divorces–each one is personal and distinctly different. Marriage is a complex and constantly changing entity–something I tried to convey in This She’ll Defend. Let’s face it, if marriage were easy there would be no divorces to worry about. We’d all just live happily ever after like Cinderella and Prince Charming.

In the novel, Carmen is faced with a choice. And she makes the choice that she believes is best for her family. Yes, she talks to her chaplain. And yes, she feels duty and honor bound to protect her children. But without too many spoilers, remember that Carmen’s husband is not abusive, cruel, unloving, or anything else of the sort. Some people leave a bad marriage due to abuse or lack of affection. Every situation is different.

If you are a reader who has been though a divorce, please don’t feel judged! That was certainly not the intent. I’d love to hear from you. To quote the new Pope, “Who am I to judge?”

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7 thoughts on “A judgment on Divorce? Not!

  1. Taylor

    I didn’t read this as a judgment on divorce. I think what’s significant about Carmen’s decision is that she clearly feels a stronger pull to Ed (and the kids) than she does to Ethan. It’s not that leaving Ed for Ethan would have been wrong on the basis of divorce, but because there wasn’t a real possibility for deeper connection/commitment between the two than she already has with Ed.

    1. I also felt like it was a timing issue. She had a connection with Ethan and loved him in a sense. Spoiler alert***** Like Carmen tells Ethan at the airport, if she’d been young and single when they met… Sometimes you meet “Mr. Right” at the wrong time! 🙂

      1. Taylor

        I completely agree with that–I guess what I’m saying is that she and Ed have already had time to build up that bond.

  2. Ed IS Mr Right! I was a little surprised that the chaplain didn’t encourage her in a more biblical tone, referencing covenant or marriage being sacred or something…

    1. Hmmm…maybe Chaplain Powell knew that Carmen already knew what she should do and was trusting in her to make the right choice. I’ve never gone to a chaplain for this sort of advice, so I’m not sure what he’d have actually told her.

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